


Warning: May Contain Traces of Stupid

by Boogum



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: 5 emoji game, Awkwardness, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, More tags to be added, Tumblr Prompt, bros being bros, just all the silly crack, short stuff that isn't worth being standalone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:53:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22918012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boogum/pseuds/Boogum
Summary: Short stories based on tumblr prompts and writing tag games.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Alya Césaire, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Luka Couffaine/Kagami Tsurugi
Comments: 114
Kudos: 235





	1. the one where kagami bakes a cake

**Author's Note:**

> This one was for the 5 emoji prompt on tumblr. Anon sent: 😭🤔😂🤢✌️ kagami Luka.

Kagami was not a crier. If she really wanted, she would just glare at her tears and make them creep right on back into her tear ducts like the unwanted, watery weaklings they were.

But, well, allergies were a different matter.

Allergies were snotty, sneezy, itchy and awful. Allergies made her cry. (And, alas, no amount of glaring could chase them away.) It was undignified. It was the last thing she wanted to deal with during a fencing tournament. Except, in a rare lapse of attention, she’d forgotten to bring her antihistamines.

Big mistake.

Fortunately, Luka happened to have some on him and gave her one. Then he’d played some tune for her on his guitar, and she honestly still wasn’t sure if it was meant to be some kind of guitar healing charm, an expression of good luck, or just his method of communication.

In any case, she was very grateful to Luka. So grateful that she decided to bake a cake for him. (Food of that sort seemed to be standard thank you gift protocol, and while she could have just bought him something, she was not the type to do things halfway. No, she was going to bake that darn cake with her own two hands.)

This would be easy.

oOo

Kagami stood on the boat, her expression grim, and thrust the nicely packaged cake out to Luka.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“A cake. For you. I baked it.”

“Wow, thanks.”

She nodded in a perfunctory way. They were not close, and much as she wanted to relax and say she really was grateful that he’d come to her rescue, the words didn’t want to come out.

“I’m gonna go now,” she declared.

“Wait.” He grasped her shoulder, though not in a rough way. “Why don’t we have some together? Cake is better when it’s shared with friends, don’t you think?”

Friends? He thought she was his friend?

Her heart warmed. She only had two other friends.

She smiled (though it was admittedly way too strained and probably made her look odd). “Okay.”

They sat down on the boat and he cut two slices of the cake for them. Kagami bit into hers and chewed quite calmly. Luka seemed to be having more trouble. His cheeks tinged with green and he pulled odd expressions.

“Are you not enjoying your cake?” she asked.

“It’s great.” He swallowed with effort.

“You can tell me if you don’t like it. It won’t hurt my feelings.”

Which was a lie, but she was not a crier and so she would just cry on the inside like a winner. (Also, she would bake as many cakes as it took to become perfect at it.)

Luka frowned. “Can I ask you something? Did you, uh, happen to put a lot of salt in this?”

Her brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Because, uh, it’s pretty salty.” He wore a kind smile, like he didn’t want to say her cake sucked but also that yeah, her cake sucked.

The creases deepened on her brow. “I followed the recipe exactly. Is this not what cake should taste like?”

“Uhh, I mean you could have a salty cake if you really wanted, but most people prefer it on the sweeter side.” His smile widened, though it wasn’t belittling. More like he was sharing an inside joke with her. “I’m guessing you accidentally mixed up the salt and sugar. This strawberry cake of yours packs quite a punch.”

“I see. I have never tried cake before, so I did not realise.”

His eyes widened. “Wait, seriously? You’ve never had cake?”

She shook her head and stood up, grabbing the package containing the rest of the cake. “I apologise, Luka. My thank you gift was not adequate in this case. I shall try again.”

“Wait,” he said, and for the second time he grasped her shoulder. “There’s no need to rush off, and you don’t need to make me another cake either.”

“But you do not like the one I made you.”

His eyes crinkled into an amused but soft smile. “Kagami, much as I appreciate the thought and think it’s nice you baked this for me, you didn’t have to do anything. I definitely don’t expect you to bake me another one. I was happy to help you out. That’s what friends do for each other.”

“Oh.”

He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

Perhaps that would have been the end of the matter, but it still bothered her that she had stuffed up the cake. She hated failure.

“I shall make you another one,” she said decisively.

“Um, that’s not really—”

“I will not let a cake defeat me, and I would still like to express my gratitude for the assistance you offered.”

He closed his mouth, even as the corners quirked into a small smile. “Tell you what, if you really want to bake another cake, how about we bake one together now? I’m sure we have all the ingredients here.”

She tilted her head. “You want to bake a cake with me?”

“Why not? We’re friends, right?”

Her smile was much more natural that time. Pink dusted her cheeks. “Yes, I suppose we are.”


	2. the one where Rena and Chat discuss OTPs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for emsylcatac for 5 emoji game: 😕😭😬😑😂 with Chat Noir and Rena Rouge!

“So,” Rena said, planting her hands on her hips and staring at him with laser-pointed focus. “Chat Noir …”

He gulped. “Yes?”

“I have a question for you. A very important one.”

“Uh, okay?”

She leaned forward, lips pursing as if she were already pre-judging his doom. “Who do you ship?”

A blink.

Two blinks.

“What?” he said.

“Don’t try to deny it, cat boy. I _know_ you know.”

He tugged at his collar. Oh no. He’d been caught. The fanboy was exposed. Wait! Did that mean she also knew about his fanfic binge-reading habits?

“Relax,” she said, placing her hand on his shoulder. (This was not relaxing, not with that gleam in her eye.) “You’re in safe company. I also speak the language of OTPs and sailing ships.”

The tension eased out of his body.

“Plus, any idiot with eyes could see that you’re a total fanboy nerd who probably reads and cries over Ladynoir fanfiction.”

His shoulders slumped. (Catch his dignity crying on the inside.)

She slung her arm around his shoulders, a grin surfacing. “Anywaaaay.” A nudge to his ribs. “Who do you ship out of the miraculous users. Aside from yourself and Ladybug, of course.”

“The miraculous users?”

“Yeah. Our team.” Another nudge. “C’mon, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

“Huh, well, I guess it would be you and Carapace.”

Dusts of colour bloomed on her cheeks. “Oh. Wow. Really?”

“Yeah. I mean you guys are adorable together.”

“Awww. Chat Noir, that’s so sweet.”

He shrugged and smiled. “I’m just being honest.”

“Just for that, I’ll tell you who I ship aside from you and Ladybug, because obviously Ladynoir is my OTP.”

“And your support is much appreciated.”

She nodded in bro-support. “Right, well, next to Ladynoir, it would have to be Multispik.”

He choked on his own phlegm. “Y-you mean Multimouse and Aspik?”

“Yeah.”

His face warmed. He tugged at his collar again. “W-why—but they—I mean he’s … and she’s …”

Rena laughed. “Why are you blushing?”

He couldn’t explain. Rena had no idea she was shipping him with Marinette. The same Marinette who was one of his dearest friends and who was so clever and amazing and adorably cute and—

“Wow,” Rena said, eyes widening. “You’re going really, really red.”

He pulled away from her. “Let’s just get back to patrol.”


	3. the one about tulip noir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for spoopyslayer for 5 emoji game: 😂🤔🌸🤧🤙🏼 marinette and chat noir

Marinette couldn’t stop laughing. She laughed so hard that tears leaked from her eyes and she made choked, gasping sounds like a braying donkey. It was unstoppable, uncontrollable. She slapped her thigh and curled over, clutching her stomach.

“It’s not that funny,” Chat Noir said.

“Y-y-yo …”

But she couldn’t get the words out. Chat Noir now had a giant yellow tulip sticking out of the crown of his head. A _tulip_.

He folded his arms, pouting. “You’re mean. I’m gonna call you Meaninette from now on now. Meanie meaninette.”

“I’m s-sorry, it’s j-just you—you look like a Pikmin.”

She fell back into wails of laughter. His pout got worse.

“M-maybe we should call you Tulip-Head Noir now. Oh, oh, or maybe—”

“Okay, enough.”

She swallowed back a fresh bubble of giggles. “Sorry, sorry. I’ll try to be more serious now, I promise. I know this must be hard for you.” A beat. “Tulip-Head Noir.”

“Hey!”

Fresh giggles escaped her. He opened his mouth to retort, but a sneeze came out instead. The sneeze was so loud and forceful it seemed to rock the walls. It also knocked the tulip right off his head.

They both blinked at the flower, which lay between them on the floor.

“Huh,” she said.

“Yes!” Chat Noir punched his fist into the air. “I’m not a tulip head anymore!”

He patted his hair and leather cat ears, murmuring little things of relief and delight to himself. Marinette’s expression softened into a smile. Well, that cleared up that. Now they could all relax again.


	4. the one where Ladybug saves her crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> paintedbirdsong sent 😅😬🤩👍🤙, any side of lovesquare. I chose Ladrien. 
> 
> (Tw for minor blood)

Marinette would be lying if she said she hadn’t had dreams where she rescued Adrien from the evil clutches of an akuma. (Probably a Lila Level Four 4 Transformation.) He’d be smitten by her coolness as Ladybug, of course, and maybe reward her with a kiss or two. (Or three or four. She wasn’t gonna complain.)

Well, she’d managed to save him, alright. She’d just also got a bit too starstruck. He’d been swimming at the time and was currently shirtless in her arms. Very wet and shirtless. And did she mention that she had a huge, ridiculously embarrassing crush on him?

Yeah.

Anyway, her yoyo got caught on something and they faceplanted a wall. Hard.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” she cried, fretting over him but not quite touching. (She, of course, was fine thanks to her suit and its in-built defence boost.)

He groaned a bit and then smiled Paris’s most endearing smile, the same that could be seen on billboards all over the city. Except it was looking a bit bloody right now, and—

“Your tooth!” she exclaimed, clamping her hands to her cheeks in horror.

He’d lost a tooth. She’d made Adrien Agreste lose his front tooth.

“It’s okay,” he said, and then winced.

Oh no, oh no. She had ruined his beautiful face. Gabriel Agreste was going to kill her. All of Paris was going to kill her.

“It’s not okay!” she wailed. “This is terrible! I wanted to protect you and instead I got you hurt. I’m such an idiot!”

“No, no, it’s okay,” He touched her shoulder, which would have been heavenly at any other time, but right now she was just stuck on the fact he was missing a tooth and blood was still trickling from his mouth. “It was an accident, my—Ladybug. Don’t worry. Besides, the miraculous cure will fix it, right?”

She froze. “You’re right. The cure can, and I’ll make sure that it does!”

He smiled as if to say he had complete faith in her, though it quickly morphed into a grimace. Poor guy had to be in a lot of pain.

“Don’t you worry,” she said, meeting his gaze with resolve. “I’ll have your smile back to normal in no time, hot stuff.”

Then she gave him thumbs up.

 _Thumps up_.

(And called him hot stuff.)

Needless to say, she made her escape rather quickly. Not even her Ladybug confidence could pull her through that one.


	5. the one where Chat Noir is a thief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lovegeek1215 asked: 🥺👀😤😭😘 Marichat? for the emoji ask game

“Marineeeeeette.”

She tightened her grip on her sewing, her shoulders hunched.

Chat Noir came up behind her chair and leaned on the backrest. He butted his head gently to hers like a cat. “Don’t ignore me.”

She pushed her needle through the fabric again and again, creating rough stitches.

“I didn’t know you’d get that upset,” he said.

A huff.

“Okay, maybe I should have known you’d get that upset. But aren’t we friends? Don’t friends forgive each other?”

“Ha,” she muttered, pushing the needle in harder. “Some friend. You know what you really are?” She spun around on the chair to face him and held up her handiwork where the word _Thief_ was now printed in pretty pink.

His nose scrunched. “It was one chocolate.”

“It was the last chocolate!”

“You said I could have some!”

“But not the _last_!”

They had a silent standoff.

“Okay, okay,” he said, shifting to his knees in front of her and clasping her hands. “You’re right. I know the last piece of any food is a sacred thing and I should not have touched it.” His voice lowered and he glanced off to the side. “Even if you did say I was allowed to have some.”

She pursed her lips.

“But that’s beside the point,” he added hastily. “What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.” He gave her his best kitten eyes. “Please forgive me?”

She tried to stay grumpy, she really did. (Food was serious business, and she did not forgive chocolate thieves easily, as Tikki well knew.) But there was no way she could resist that face or those big, pleading green eyes.

“Fine,” she sighed.

“Really?”

“Yes, of course,” she said, laughing now. Did he really think she’d end their friendship over a piece of chocolate? Silly kitty.

He grinned and pulled her into a hug. “I’ll buy you a new box of chocolates. No, ten! That way you won’t have to worry about running out for a while.”

“Ten boxes, huh?”

“All of the best quality.”

She laughed and ruffled his hair. “That’s not necessary, but thanks.”

“You sure?”

“Very sure.”

His eyes crinkled into a smile and he took her hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. “As the princess wishes.”

Her heart stuttered. Heat bloomed on her cheeks, rosy and spreading.

Uh oh.


	6. the one where Queen Bee is ... Queen Bee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked for Queen Bee and Chat Noir, 💪✨💓💃👋
> 
> (I was halfway through writing this when I realised I could have written a Queen Bee and Chat Noir doing a ‘dancing with the stars” type thing where they get paired up and basically slay everyone with their rich-kid ballroom dancing training. Alas, you are stuck with this instead.)

“What _are_ you doing?” Queen Bee demands, arms folded and with her nose raised high to the air.

“Posing for the fans.”

“Oh please, Chat Noir. As if anyone wants to watch you flex those puny, noodle arms of yours.”

His lips purse and he drops his pose. “Um, rude.”

“It’s not rude when it’s the truth.”

“My fans would beg to differ.” He gestures to the group of people gathered below the building, who are busy taking pictures of him with their phones. “They like my flexing.”

“Well, they have no taste.”

He shifts to face her, one eyebrow quirked. “You think you can do better?”

“I know I can.”

Sweeping into an exaggerated bow, he offers her his place at the front of the rooftop. “By all means, show me your stuff, Bumblefluff.”

“It’s _Queen Bee_.”

He flashes his teeth in a cheeky grin. “Right.”

Ugh.

She stomps over and flicks her hair dramatically, popping her hip out. “This is how it’s done, Cat Boy.”

And then she _sparkles_.

She owns this rooftop now. Her natural charm and regal aura demand it be so, and all those silly Cat Boy fans would soon realise the only hero they should be admiring right now is her.

Except some of the crowd are leaving. One even has the audacity to ask where Chat Noir has gone.

Ugh.

Chat Noir approaches, stopping beside her. “Maybe you should try flexing.”

“Shut up.”

He laughs and pats her head. (The audacity! How dare he touch her hair!) “You’ve still got a fan in me, Queenie,” he says.

Something fragile stirs in her chest. Her eyes widen. “You … consider yourself one of my fans?”

“Sure.” He smiles, warm and sincere. “I’ve seen the way you act out there. When you put your mind to it, you’re a great hero. I’m glad to have you on our team.”

Heat tickles her cheeks. She flips her hair over her shoulder, looking off to the side. “Well, of course I’m a great hero. I’m Queen Bee.”

“And there’s the attitude that ruins it,” he mutters.


	7. the one with the reveal no one wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theoneandonlyshipqueen asked: 🤔😂😮🤦😔 for... Uhh, Marichat?

Marinette was avoiding him.

Adrien wasn’t sure what was going on, much as he tried to get the story out of her and their friends. Had he upset her somehow? Had he done something wrong? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

In any case, he was most distressed. She was one of his good friends. He didn’t like to think he had hurt her.

“Wait,” he said, standing up and hitting his fist to his palm. “I got it!”

Maybe she didn’t want to talk to Adrien, but she had said that she and Chat Noir were friends!

He grinned deviously, grabbed his belongings, and left the library. (And a very confused Max and Nathaniel, who blinked at each other before they shrugged and continued to work on their group project.)

oOo

Marinette stood on her balcony. She was on the phone, laughing until tears came out of her eyes. But that wasn’t what caught his attention. No, it was the small red creature nibbling on a cookie by her.

His jaw dropped. “L-Ladybug?”

She shrieked and the phone went flying.

(And hit him in the face. Ouch.)

“Ch-Chat—what are—why—”

He didn’t know what came over him, he really didn’t. There was so many things he wanted, and _needed_ , to say. But all that came out was:

“Looks like you’ve been caught _red_ -handed.”

Marinette’s mouth closed. Her nose scrunched. “Did you just …”

Yes, he had just punned.

He had finally discovered his Lady’s identity, and he’d just punned.

She facepalmed. Tikki facepalmed. There was much facepalming.

“I can’t believe this,” Marinette groaned, still with her hand covering her face. “I can’t believe this is how it happens.”

He rubbed the base of his neck. That was when he noticed her phone by his feet, which now had a cracked screen.

Uh oh. This really wasn’t the romantic reveal he’d dreamed of.


	8. the one where Kim is a mind reader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was the APS anniversary this week (last week? what is time?), and i wanted to write a little something to show my appreciation. but, uh, this is all i could come up with …

Kim had always known that one day it would happen. One day, a radioactive spider would bite him on the leg and give him awesome, super spider powers. (And then he’d show that panther who’s boss.) Or one day he’d die, but like not real, real die. He’d come back alive and be extra cool and buff and be able to stop buses with his hands or something.

But this … this was just disappointing. No super speed. No super strength. Not even some retractable claws or laser eyes. He just woke up one day and had mind-reading powers, except they only worked on one person. Adrien Agreste.

Kim stood with Adrien by their lockers, peering at him like he was one of those deceptive cookies that looked like they were filled with chocolate chips but could just be raisins in disguise. (Raisins, as everyone knew, were sneaky little ninjaisins like that.)

“Er …” Adrien’s brow creased. “Is everything okay, Kim?”

“I think we must be soulmates.”

Adrien blinked. “Come again?”

Kim sighed. “I mean you’re not my first choice. You’re not as pretty as Chloe—”

Adrien choked on his own phlegm.

“—or as good at swimming as Ondine, and the way you get all lovey-dovey over Ladybug all the time is really annoying …” 

Red spilled over Adrien’s face like an overturned bottle of paint. “W-what? I don’t—why would you think—”

“But we are soulmates.”

Adrien blinked a few more times and then held his hands palm-up in a stop motion. “Okay, we need to backtrack. Why exactly do you think I’m your soulmate?”

Kim rolled his eyes. “Because I can read your mind. Duh.”

There was a long pause.

Adrien burst out laughing. “Oh, I get it. You’re just messing with me.”

“I’m not.”

“It’s fine.” Adrien patted him on the shoulder. “You wanted to have a laugh, but—”

“I’m being serious. I really can read your mind.”

Adrien’s mouth twitched. “Okay? Then what am I thinking right now?”

“You’re thinking that Nino must be filming this somewhere.”

Adrien’s eyebrows inched towards his hairline. “Lucky guess. Try again.”

Kim tilted his head. “Cheese smells like gym socks. Stay peachy. Strange things are afoot at the circle K. Your nose is itchy but you don’t wanna scratch it ‘cause then it’ll look like you’re picking your nose. Oh, and now you’re worrying because I’m actually reading your mind, and you’re thinking that you need to stop thinking because then Ladybug will—”

“Okay, okay!” All the colour drained from Adrien’s face. He looked paler than that time Nathaniel got a bleeding nose during volleyball and almost fainted. “I get it. You can read my mind.”

Kim straightened smugly. “Now you see why you’re my soulmate.”

“Uh, no. You lost me again. Why does being able to read my mind make you my soulmate?”

Kim sighed. His soulmate was really living up to the dumb blond stereotype. “Because the internet says so.”

“Right.” Adrien’s left eye twitched. “The internet.”

“Also, I think you might need some help, dude. It’s kinda weird how much you think you’re Chat Noir.”

Adrien laughed. “R-right. So weird.” He backed up a step. “Anyway, I’ve gotta go! Got fencing. See you ‘round, soulmate!” He threw fingers guns and dashed off.

Kim just sighed. No, this was not the super power or the soulmate he had wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is really random and an odd place to end, so I will maybe write one more chapter to go with this


	9. the one with the dirt cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> discussing mudcake around marichat stans can only lead to one thing. this is for you Tali khgjhgk

Marinette’s eyes twinkle as she stands on the balcony and holds the cake out like a grand offering. “Here,” she says. “A mud cake just for you.”

Adrien bounds closer like an excited kitten, his leather ears pointed up in intrigue and his tail swishing. The plate is delicate pink, the cake perfect in its roundness and chocolatey icing. She’s even drawn a little cat face on top in green icing. But his sense of smell is sensitive when he’s suited up as Chat Noir, and the cake … well, the cake just smells like dirt.

“You made this?” he asks, taking the plate from her.

She nods. “I heard mud cake was your favourite.”

He gives another surreptitious sniff. Yep, this definitely smells like dirt.

Their eyes meet. The twinkle in hers gets brighter, like a star gleaming against a backdrop of blue. Then her lips quiver as if she’s fighting back laughter. Oh, that little sneak.

“Well,” he says, picking up the fork. She sucks in an audible breath. “I’m excited to try some.”

He raises the fork to his lips. Bits of dirt crumble off the fork, much more obvious now that he’s broken the icing shell. The smell is potent—a musky, damp blend that makes his nostrils quiver and his tastebuds shrink like pawns at the front of a battlefield.

Suddenly, her eyes widen—all trace of twinkle gone—and she holds up her hands in a warning gesture. “Chat, wait!”

His eyes glint in a challenging, reckless way. _Oh, you thought I wouldn’t dare_ , he says with his gaze. _You knew I’d smell the dirt and thought I’d back off, but just watch me, Marinette! Just watch!_

He shoves the fork into his mouth. Freezes. It’s an explosion of taste—the foulest, most tragical taste he’s ever inflicted upon his poor tastebuds. (Yes, even worse than the time he ate cat pellets.) Musty. Mulchy. It’s like eating sadness and regret with a dollop of hell. His face goes through a whole journey of expressions, ranging from disgust to Disgust™. But he still stares at her in that reckless way, even as tears form in his eyes.

“Don’t swallow it!” Marinette shrieks. “Spit it out! Spit it out!”

She hops from foot to foot, waving her arms about and ordering him to stop chewing. He just forces a dirt-smeared smile and swallows.

They both stare at each other. A few crickets chirp.

“You are an idiot,” she declares.

He places the fork down on the plate. He pulls faces like a cat trying to get rid of a bad taste. “Can I … can I get some water?”

She groans and drags him inside.


End file.
